fear, loathing, and quantum mechanics

[nibot]

Grad school has turned into a moderately miserable experience. We're definitely trenched in at the office. Surviving the bombardment of homework assignments now means a typical two all-nighters a week. I bought some food for the office so that I won't starve. There's a futon in Kris's office. We took turns napping through the night (I slept the most: 6:00 to 9:00. Kris (vyncentvega) didn't sleep at all.) We left school finally at noon -- noon the next day. I'm reminded of CS 152, that nightmare of a course in which we spent 24 or more hours straight in the basement of Cory Hall, on multiple occassions — and after that course I know I can never do that again. The homework here is not interesting, it is not fun, it is not particularly advanced, and yet I am still doing poorly on it. Doing poorly completing it, I should say, for want of willpower and study habits if not actual time. There is a poster down on the first floor. It says in small print, "forget greatness." Then, in much larger print, it says "DELUSIONS OF ADEQUACY." Although that is not actually a complete sentence, that phrase assaults us daily. I desperately need to get myself set up with a research job instead of TAing for next semester, so I'll have some other venue for proving my self worth (to myself at least) than mediocre grades on the assignments I just couldn't bring myself to write up completely. We have midterms next week and I'm half-afraid of flunking out. Nonetheless I still elect to take weekend roadtrips to foreign countries and saturday daytrips to the countryside, which ought to factor into your judgement, for better or worse.

On the other hand, my fellow students are good company. That I am thankful for.

Comments

[fireflies100k.livejournal.com]

I think those posters come from http://www.despair.com .

[furzicle.livejournal.com]

Sleeping warm will make your sleep time more efficient. It will also give you more energy to get through the day.

Your anxieties and work load sound way too much like mine. Sometimes I reassure myself that, even though I'm struggling, surely I'm doing at least as well as other first year (choose one: 1. teachers, 2. grad students)

Get yourself some potent source of vitamin c..(onions? bell peppers? pills?) --'cause sooner or later all this stress is going to hit the fan.

[furzicle.livejournal.com]

Another thought: Be sure you try to multitask your TA ing: see if you can work on some of your own problems while the students are on autopilot.

[nibot.livejournal.com]

already doing that. (-:

[nebulousmaze.livejournal.com]

My first year experience in grad school was horrid. The main reason I survived was because I found a few people to talk to, and I realized that a whole lot of people were exactly in the same boat as I was. It gave me a better perspective.

Getting a research job early is very good, but don't sign up with bad advisors in your desparation to land a reserch job. Just a note.

Good luck!

Oz

[auressiel.livejournal.com]

That's why PhD's in Australia and New Zealand are so cool. Although you are still required to take grad classes the first year and a half, as long as you do well on the homework assignments, you don't have to take the midterms (if there are any) or the final. The idea I think (which is rather cool) is exposure without totally diverting your attention from what is most important (i.e. your thesis).

Oh yes, and PhD's are only 3 years long down under as well...

First Year in Grad School:

[pbrane.livejournal.com]

Is boot camp. That's what it is - they're not trying to break you intentionally, but it'll seem that way. I've done the first year in grad school twice now, and it was the same both times.

It gets way better by spring of the first year, and the second year is infinitely better, and once you pass quals it's a cakewalk.

Until you start writing your dissertation, but by then you're used to it, I'm told. They maybe lying. ;)

BTW: everyone feels like they're flunking out at this point in your graduate career. "It's Not You".

good luck mr. tobin.

Re: First Year in Grad School:

[nibot.livejournal.com]

thanks. (-:

[anemone.livejournal.com]

Grad school sucks. It's the normal course of events.

Best description of grad school ever:
http://danny.oz.au/danny/humour/phd_lotr.html

Especially the part about Gandalf dieing.

[vyncentvega.livejournal.com]

Hear hear to the nagging thoughts of failing completely. Of course, those thoughts might be nurtured somewhat by being repeatedly defeated in my attempts to understand this week's "light" quantum homework assignment. In true LOTR form, I feel like the Balrog (sp?) while Hagen is Gandolf: YOOOUU SHAALLL NOT PASS!!