sleep, sweet sleep

I've started sleeping in the living room. I think it's just some kind of natural tendency I have — maybe it's like travelling but in the confines of my own home. At Oscar Wilde in my second semester I started a habit of camping out down in the living room. We had a collection of corner-couches turned inward into a little box, a fortification of pillows and blankets, for this very purpose (general lounging, that is), and there was a good collection of other couches too. Sleeping on odd piles of pillows while people came and went all night long -- it was good practice for sleeping in odd places. Every night there were usually a few people camping out in the living room for one reason or another, but probably mostly for the novelty and camradery. The following summer, in Switzerland, due to some mixup I ended up not having a reserved room. Alex and I comandeered a TV room for sleeping, on some couches that were there. Back in Wilde, I ended up sleeping on the balcony for a full half year, ensconsced in a nest of fluffermuffers (=down comforters). In all the rain that came down on Berkeley then, it was still warm and cozy sleeping out there; at first it was a matter of necessity (or impulse? i don't remember) but after a night outdoors there, the interior atmosphere felt stifling by comparison. Sleeping on a balcony is a luxury I don't think Rochester will afford, although that Montreal hostel did tempt me with its outdoor bunks, grafted onto the side of the building.

Here in Rochester I sleep on an air mattress that Ryan happened to have. It's not the sort of camping air mattress with which I am familiar, but a reasonable (inflated) facsimile of a queen size mattress. At first it was great, but gradually a problem has developed. I wake up in the early morning, curled up into a fetal position under the blanket, shivering. I'd gradually thaw myself out in the shower, a process doomed to failure by virtue of the limited hot water supply. Yes, you might say that is symptomatic of some kind of problem. It's not even cold yet. A few nights ago I tried sleeping downstairs on the futon, and was treated to the incredible sensation of waking up warm and cozy at 9 in the morning. So it's the air mattress that's at fault, eh? I'm told that it's heat conduction through the floor that's the problem, that makes the air mattress freakishly cold. I suppose I'll work on fixing that, but in the meantime it's the livingroom for me. I like it better, anyway, waking up to daylight coming in through the windows and people rustling about in the morning.

fear, loathing, and quantum mechanics

Grad school has turned into a moderately miserable experience. We're definitely trenched in at the office. Surviving the bombardment of homework assignments now means a typical two all-nighters a week. I bought some food for the office so that I won't starve. There's a futon in Kris's office. We took turns napping through the night (I slept the most: 6:00 to 9:00. Kris (vyncentvega) didn't sleep at all.) We left school finally at noon -- noon the next day. I'm reminded of CS 152, that nightmare of a course in which we spent 24 or more hours straight in the basement of Cory Hall, on multiple occassions — and after that course I know I can never do that again. The homework here is not interesting, it is not fun, it is not particularly advanced, and yet I am still doing poorly on it. Doing poorly completing it, I should say, for want of willpower and study habits if not actual time. There is a poster down on the first floor. It says in small print, "forget greatness." Then, in much larger print, it says "DELUSIONS OF ADEQUACY." Although that is not actually a complete sentence, that phrase assaults us daily. I desperately need to get myself set up with a research job instead of TAing for next semester, so I'll have some other venue for proving my self worth (to myself at least) than mediocre grades on the assignments I just couldn't bring myself to write up completely. We have midterms next week and I'm half-afraid of flunking out. Nonetheless I still elect to take weekend roadtrips to foreign countries and saturday daytrips to the countryside, which ought to factor into your judgement, for better or worse.

On the other hand, my fellow students are good company. That I am thankful for.